So, first of all - I never really understood why people made it such a big deal- that whole first day of kindergarten thing. I thought, I mean, I send my kids to 'school' (what we have always called St. Lukes daycare center) and I'm used to dropping them off and being without me through the day. But this definitely is different. It truly feels like the end of an era I suppose...
The end of the freedom to hang out with the kids all day on a Friday if I want to take off work, or take a vacation - everything is really dictated by the school schedule.
The end of an era at St. Luke's....last Thursday was the kids' last day at school. I had written a few cards to Will and Ellie's teachers and the Director, Miss Jenny.... right when I walked in with the kids, I saw Miss Jenny, gave her her card and hugged her, and I just lost it. Like, ugly crying on her shoulder, in front of the kids. Ellie said - Mommy, why you crying? And I tried to explain they were happy tears... mostly tears of ... change maybe? We had spent over 5 years sending our kids there, and now I will never walk through those doors or see those people again.... so that was definitely emotional for me.
The end of my boy being my baby, and I fear that soon (or sooner than I want) losing some of that child-like innocence, and realizing the world can be evil, full of hate, and it just breaks my heart to realize that that may come soon. He is just so soft-hearted - and the sweetest thing was when we went to take school pictures last Thursday, I walked in through church and we went down the stairs, only to see the social area FULL of noise, students, parents of all ages/grades. Lines of people waiting to get pictures taken, another area to buy spirit wear - it was a bit overwhelming. Will was great and when we were waiting in line for pictures, he said - you know when I was walking down the stairs, I was a little scared. I said - you know what, I was too. I totally get it. You and me both Will - we can do this. Also, then when we were leaving, and driving in the car- he said, but Mommy, I didn't get to make a best friend today. Heart melted. As my friend Julie mentioned...he really is my son - based on all of the above.
But, with all of those ends, I really, really (maybe one more really, and I REALLY will convince myself to believe) am trying to have peace with the new beginning, the excitement of starting school, making new friends, LEARNING (I mean, I was a kid that seriously really liked school - I hope he does also!) and I know we have done our absolute best to raise him to be brave and kind. I wanted to copy over a blog post by Glennon Doyle, a blogger and writer I follow, on the night before the first day of school: (she says some parents have used this and changed the names, love this idea - so here I am posting it, so I can remember to find it and hopefully share it one day myself, or perhaps this is just for me to continue to read...
Tomorrow is a big day. Third Grade – wow.
Chase – When I was in third grade, there was a little boy in my class named Adam.
Adam looked a little different and he wore funny clothes and sometimes he even smelled a little bit. Adam didn’t smile. He hung his head low and he never looked at anyone at all. Adam never did his homework. I don’t think his parents reminded him like yours do. The other kids teased Adam a lot. Whenever they did, his head hung lower and lower and lower. I never teased him, but I never told the other kids to stop, either.
And I never talked to Adam, not once. I never invited him to sit next to me at lunch, or to play with me at recess. Instead, he sat and played by himself. He must have been very lonely.
I still think about Adam every day. I wonder if Adam remembers me? Probably not. I bet if I’d asked him to play, just once, he’d still remember me.
I think that God puts people in our lives as gifts to us. The children in your class this year, they are some of God’s gifts to you.
So please treat each one like a gift from God. Every single one.
Baby, if you see a child being left out, or hurt, or teased, a little part of your heart will hurt a little. Your daddy and I want you to trust that heart- ache. Your whole life, we want you to notice and trust your heart-ache. That heart ache is called compassion, and it is God’s signal to you to do something. It is God saying, Chase! Wake up! One of my babies is hurting! Do something to help! Whenever you feel compassion – be thrilled! It means God is speaking to you, and that is magic. It means He trusts you and needs you.
Sometimes the magic of compassion will make you step into the middle of a bad situation right away.
Compassion might lead you to tell a teaser to stop it and then ask the teased kid to play. You might invite a left-out kid to sit next to you at lunch. You might choose a kid for your team first who usually gets chosen last. These things will be hard to do, but you can do hard things.
Sometimes you will feel compassion but you won’t step in right away. That’s okay, too. You might choose instead to tell your teacher and then tell us. We are on your team – we are on your whole class’ team. Asking for help for someone who is hurting is not tattling, it is doing the right thing. If someone in your class needs help, please tell me, baby. We will make a plan to help together.
When God speaks to you by making your heart hurt for another, by giving you compassion, just do something. Please do not ignore God whispering to you. I so wish I had not ignored God when He spoke to me about Adam. I remember Him trying, I remember feeling compassion, but I chose fear over compassion. I wish I hadn’t. Adam could have used a friend and I could have, too.
Chase – We do not care if you are the smartest or fastest or coolest or funniest. There will be lots of contests at school, and we don’t care if you win a single one of them. We don’t care if you get straight As. We don’t care if the girls think you’re cute or whether you’re picked first or last for kickball at recess. We don’t care if you are your teacher’s favorite or not. We don’t care if you have the best clothes or most Pokemon cards or coolest gadgets. We just don’t care.
We don’t send you to school to become the best at anything at all. We already love you as much as we possibly could. You do not have to earn our love or pride and you can’t lose it. That’s done.
We send you to school to practice being brave and kind.
Kind people are brave people. Because brave is not a feeling that you should wait for. It is a decision. It is a decision that compassion is more important than fear, than fitting in, than following the crowd.
Trust me, baby, it is. It is more important.
Don’t try to be the best this year, honey.
Just be grateful and kind and brave. That’s all you ever need to be.
Take care of those classmates of yours, and your teacher, too. You Belong to Each Other. You are one lucky boy . . . with all of these new gifts to unwrap this year.
I love you so much that my heart might explode.
Enjoy and cherish your gifts.
And thank you for being my favorite gift of all time.
Love,
Mama
Mama
I love you William Joseph, and I am so proud of you, and so proud to be your Mom. As Glennon says so accurately above, I love you so much that my heart might explode.
Dear Lord, please watch over Will as he starts this new journey into school. Please guide him as he walks this new road, and that always remains brave and kind. That he is the kid that works hard, listens to his teachers, is kind to friends, and always tries his best. Lord, I ask that you please walk with me tomorrow also, as Patrick and I walk him into school, and mostly on the walk out. Please remind me of your loving grace and help provide me with a spirit of peace and calm (even if I want or need to cry...a lot or a little). Thank you for taking care of my precious boy.
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