Not guilty

Ok, well back to work week started yesterday.  It really went better than I had anticipated, and while I hated not seeing my baby all day long, the day went by pretty fast, so that was good.  I didn't have any tears yesterday, but on Friday my eyes just got a little wet thinking about it all, and then I told myself I needed to be strong. 

A couple things that helped make the transition back to work easier:

• Dropping him off with his grandma/Mimi--- I have always said how lucky/blessed/fortunate we are to have Marilee watching Will, but I had NO CLUE how much easier it would make it yesterday morning to leave him with his Grandpa holding him (Bill was off work for President's Day) and Marilee cooing at him.... helps to know that he will be taken such good care of and helped me that I could get a good hug from them both on my way out!
• Everyone that I work with is gone this week!  This is the week of HIMSS, which is a huge conference in the healthcare IT world, so pretty much most of Cerner is gone in Vegas this week, which is making it easier to ease back into working, lets me organize myself again and get recharged, and also not feel as bad if I need to leave early---in fact, I am most likely going to just work from home Wednesday and Friday--Thursday I have a presentation over lunch, and that'll be a short day too.  I am justifying it too that I got jipped of the holiday days that I had earned, because they just lumped that into my FMLA

The funniest thing is just all the bags that I have to bring with me to work!! I used to think I was a bag lady before, but I most definitely am now!!  So, I bring with me--- Will's diaper bag, my purse, my pumping bag, my laptop bag, and my workout bag!  It's crazy how much packing and planning...but that's just part of it.  Patrick and I are trading off making lunches and getting those packed up the night before for each other...and then I just try to have in my head at least what I am going to wear and what I want Will to wear for the day. 

I have made a promise to myself and I told my Mom the other night, that as I go back to work, I want to really try to focus on not feeling guilty.  I don't want to feel guilty while I'm at work that I am not spending more time with my baby....and I don't want to have to feel guilty if I have to leave my desk twice a day to pump, if I want to work out over lunch, or if I need to leave early to pick him up.  And then not to feel guilty if while I'm at home I'm not working.  It's just so easy to beat ourselves up and try to do it all, to please everyone, and then you are always feeling like you are not quite doing enough.  So, that is my #1 focus, is not feeling guilty and just doing the best I can do, wherever I am! 

Weekend update: we had a great weekend at home again.  Friday night, our friend Adam came over and we had a really nice salmon dinner that P made.  Saturday, got to go to kickboxing and cleaned up a bit...visited my friend Julie and saw her new house and then my friend Amy Winchester and Brandon and their son Nolan came over to visit.  P and I watched the first season of Friday Night Lights that he got me for Valentine's Day (we LOVE that series!!), did early church on Sunday, had another visit from my friend Lauren from NE that was in KC, and then went to Bill and Marilee's for dinner with everyone!  So, it was a great weekend---got to see lots of friends and family, and looking forward to this upcoming weekend and going back to NE once again for my best friend Lindsay's little sister's wedding.  (We will be trying to catch glimpses of the MU/KU game in between wedding/reception :)) 

Here are a few pics as of late: